Lovely Triangle
by MDLuffy
Summary: HAHA! 6 chapters of pure insanity! I was stressed out, so I wrote this.
1. Prologue 1 Tifa

**This is a love comedy written in high school context in an alternate universe. Please enjoy, I hope I will put a smile on your face with this story.**

_**Prologue 1: Tifa's unrequited love**_

* * *

To me, there is only one purpose for school. And that is, TO LOOK GOOD. And not just to look good, but to look good in front of YAZOO. Yazoo is the prettiest guy in school. And ahem, ok. I will not use the word "pretty" but rather, beautiful. , he is the most beautiful creation of God!

I've fallen in love with him at first sight. NOT EVEN IN SCHOOL! It was when I was walking to school, I saw... I saw an angel flying, silver hair, silver eyes, silver eye brows... I think he even has silver pubic hair, oh, my prince. Yeah, so I saw him walking through the gate to assemble during my first day of school, first year. Oh, my unrequited love has already persisted though a total of 395 days 14 hours and 37 seconds.

Oh lord, I've sinned. I don't know just how many times I've dreamt of that MMMMMMMMMMMMM so beautiful face.

Oh, that silver hair, that beautiful chin and that neh neh nnnnnnnnnnnneeeeecccckkkkkkk. Oh, his silver hair brushing against his neck. Oooooooh the sound of his footsteps. Every inch of the school that he touches lights up with celestial gleam. He must be an angel.

If he ever knows what is going through my head… those R-rated images. Oh, I'm just a lowly insect to his light. Ooooh! Stamp on me with your light, MY KING YAZOO! I'M UNWORTHY OF YOUR LIGHT, MMMMM PUNISH ME! OOOOOH!

Ahem.

Okay, with that few lines you've witnessed from my brain, you might not believe me, but on the outside of this absolutely convoluted brain of mine, lies a beautiful student council president of the Donutville High School, Tifa Lockheart. Man… If only my name works like a charm and I could lock Yazoo's heart!

Recently though, I've got several issues.

It seems that I have a stalker. As much as I want it to be Yazoo, he is not. How do I know? Coz, I do the stalking when it comes to Yazoo, duh?

My everyday life in high school goes like this:

6:30 am: My alarm with a printed coloured prinze Yazoo's gorgeous side-view (apparently stalking = at best, side view.) taken when he was drinking from a tap. When I took that picture, mmmmmm, I got so turned on by the water droplets dripping from his chin down his nnnnneeeecccckkkkk… AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! DID I SAY THE WORD NECK? OMG HOW CAN I DEFILE MY PRINCE BY SAYING SUCH A HOLY PART OF HIS GODLY BODY! KYAAAAAAAAAAA! Anyways… The alarm clock rings... (I know you're thinking it'd be Yazoo's voice… I've thought of it, but 1) it's impossible to record his voice, I'm not that high level of a stalker yet… and 2) if it was his voice, you dumb bitch, will I ever wake up?)

7:00 am: Make my way to the bathroom (You might be thinking what I was doing from 6:30am to 7:00am, well, mostly I'm kissing my alarm clock. Yes, laugh all you want, measly beings that are looking into my head, but my prince needs some loving in the morning.).

7:40 am: Finished whatever I was doing in the bathroom.

7:42 am: Toasting bread… While thinking of Yazoo.

7:45 am: Brewing coffee while thinking of Yazoo.

7:50 am: Flying out of the house thinking of Yazoo.

8:15 am: In school. School starts at 7:50 am, but as you know, I was thinking of Yazoo, so school can wait.

8:25 am: Reporting to class, while getting praised by the homeroom teacher about me being a role model, patrolling the school every morning. (Yeah right, I was at home, dumb bitches. They think I reach school early to patrol and deal with my council shit, but bitches are W-R-O-N-G! HAHA!)

HERE COMES THE IMPORTANT PART!

Between 8:27 am 14 seconds to 8:29 am 38 seconds, Yazoo will walk by my homeroom class. Yes, his beautiful derrière will shake as he pass by… NO IM NOT STARING AT HIS BUTT, I SWEAR! NO I-I MEAN PRINCE NEEDS TO GO TO THE WASHROOM. AND NO! IT IS NOT TO FUCKING SHIT, YOU DUMB BITCHES! PRINCES DOESN'T SHIT! HE IS JUST THERE TO ADJUST HIS UNIFORM AND HAIRSTYLE.

DISPUTE ME AND I WILL CHOP YOU UP IN YOUR SLEEP.

Then between 8:49 am 26 seconds and 8:42 am 03 seconds, he will walk pass again, MMMMMMM! Yeah… Walk by again…

_(The following will be summarized as the author does not wish to look further into the fucked up brain of our female protagonist: Basically, it's all about what Yazoo does.)_

Oh god. I am such a creep.

_Author: Yes you fucking are._


	2. Prologue 2 Cloud

**Now it's turn for Cloud's POV**

**Prologue 2: Cloud's unrequited love**

* * *

Hi. My name is Cloud Strife. I'm the best man you can ever find in Donutville High. But strangely, the girl I love doesn't seem to realize that I exist. She, Tifa Lockheart, is an astoundingly gorgeous being. Her eyes are reddish brown, how hot is that? Her eye brows doesn't need constant care like the rest of the pathetic female species. What's more? Her lips… ahem. Her, beautiful sweet cherry lips… damn, shit I might just get a hard-on from this.

SHE, my comrades, is the rumoured perfect woman! Me, the captain of the basketball team, who has won more championships for my team than the country host matches for basketball, will win her heart.

I share a secret with her. I know she reaches school after the bell rings. Shhhhh. No one else must know. It's my secret with her.

At first, I thought she was in love with me. She always looked at my direction with tear-filled eyes. So, after 3 months of my first year, I decided to pay more attention to her. That's when I finally realized how dreamy she was. With E cup bombers, devilish thin waist, and a bottom that definitely will give birth well, she is every man's fantasy. But that was not all. She won the elections to be the student council president with 75% of the school's votes (considering the male majority). She always has a mysterious air around her. She must be a pure and well-mannered girl, the way she walks, the way she smiles to her friends (who does not belong to my range of vision), just shows her exaltedness.

Before I realized, I've been looking at her. I couldn't pull my vision from her… How she walks to school, and on rare occasion, I catch a glimpse of dried coffee by her lips. My beautiful goddess! If she was in love with me…

That's when I realized her vision towards me was always 23 degrees off from my face. And 23 degrees beside me is, well, Yazoo.

YAZOO! My childhood friend. Bro, you… you…. AHHHH. What should I do? For a moment there, when reality struck, I was thrown out of the planet and into the cosmos where meteors hit me one by one.

This great me, who had been confessed to by no less than 50 girls since entering Donutville High, does not even exist in her vision!

SOMEHOW, I WILL MAKE HER REALISE THAT I DO EXIST ON THIS PLANET!

JUST YOU WAIT, TIFA LOCKHEART! AKA My looooooooove~


	3. Prologue 3 Yazoo

**Prologue 3: Yazoo's sexuality question**

* * *

Me? I am Yazoo. And I have a huge problem. I… I might be in love with my childhood friend, Cloud. I swear I'm not homo. At least… I don't think so? I've dated girls… A whole bunch of them… neither am I a virgin, I've got pretty good experiences. I'm perfectly fine with girls, they are small and sweet and soft and nice smelling. BUT. I can't stop looking at Cloud.

I always thought this was normal, until a year ago when I asked Cloud to bathe with me like we did when we were young. I thought it was perfectly normal, but he just froze. That's when I realized... We've both grown up! Does that mean we can no longer be like we used to? Even considering the fact that my first kiss was to him?

Wait... Wait a minute, doesn't this mean I'm really gay? But I'm not into tight fitting shorts, and I don't act sissy… Wait, ahhh I'm confused.

And what's worse? I had a wet dream last year, but instead of a girl's face, I saw Cloud. WTF? Cloud?

If you're curious whether I was top or bottom in that dream, you are one sick bastard. But if you want to know, I was top. It was like normal sex with a girl… but Cloud's face. No I did not picture his genitalia, you assholes.

I'm really fucked up. Recently I'm just depressed over the fact that Cloud may be in love with one of the girls in school. Apparently it's some girl with brown hair (I think it's brown, but I can't bother less about that bitch.).

I love kids. But if I'm gay, then I won't have any in the future? That sucks.

I would love to see little clouds. Little prickly blonde bastards. Man, they would look good.

…Wtf am I thinking about.

Anyways, I've gotta get laid, or I'll keep thinking I'm a homo.

* * *

**I hope you've enjoyed the series thus far, next, we will move on to the real story!**


	4. Chapter 1 Monday

**Well, Chapter 1 is here, really short, I know.**

**This story consist of just snippets of their lives, bite sized until love blooms, now now, What's your favourite pairing?**

**Oh, I shall tone down on the swearing since my dear reviewer Sephirotha suggested so.**

**Well, Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Monday (Sunny):**

Tifa:

I've realized that there is no point waiting around for Yazoo to look at me anymore. I've got to be more assertive! That is why, I've come today, with one thing in mind, C-O-N-F-E-S-S-I-O-N!

Why after a whole painful year, you say?

It is never too late to confess. Now that I know every of Yazoo's actions, I believe it is time. Any further stalking will get me closer to either jail or the psychiatrist.

You must be surprised that I could still rationalize my acts. Yes, that's because, untrue to your expectations, I have yet to completely lose my mind.

You sickos must feel quite disappointed. But behold! MY CONFESSION PLAN!

FIRSTLY! A traditional love-letter-in-the-locker.

I've researched my ass off for writing this letter. As mentioned on "how to write a love letter" youtube video.

But of course, I got pissed 18 seconds into the video. Simply because that chick's already got love letters from the guy before hand. While I'm just a low-life stalker who only deserve punishment from Yazoo.

I gotta depend on myself.

* * *

Cloud:

I've gotta somehow make her notice my existence!

I've gotta somehow make her notice my existence!

I've gotta somehow make her notice my existence!

I've gotta somehow make her notice my existence!

I've gotta somehow make her notice my existence!

I've gotta somehow make her notice my existence!

I've gotta somehow make her notice my existence!

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.

Wait… Why is she sneaking around my locker with a pony tail tied in front instead of the back, covering her face… Too bad, lady, I can recognize you even if you burn down to ashes.

Somehow… that's a little depressing? She don't even know my existence…

Oh, my goddess opened the locker with a hairpin! OH! I'm falling for her all over again! How talented! (Please take note that this is a criminal act.)

Oh, she sneaked something in! Ahhhh, a gust of wind just blew and her hair, awwww…

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!PERVERT!"

Whoa.. What's with the deadly scr-

* * *

Yazoo:

Cloud sure is taking his time… Maybe he's not coming to school today? It's already 7:55 am, bell's been ringing for 5 minutes now. Well, I guess I'll just go to the lockers by myself…

What's this? A love letter?

"Dear Yazoo,

I've been watching you since the first time I laid eyes on you last year.

Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter has passed and my unrequited love grows by the day.

My love for you has affected my deepest core.

I now use the same shampoo as you do, same toothpaste and the same mobile strap.

It woul-"

What is this crap? Some stalker diary? Crazy shit! I should just dump this.

"Hey Yazoo, still lazin' around? Homeroom's startin, yo."

"Yeah, hey Reno."

"What's that? A love letter? At this day and age?"

"Some crazy bitch wrote this."

"Whoa, you're just dumping it?"

"Yeah. So, have you seen Cloud?"

"Oh, yeah, he was sent to the school counselor."

"School counselor?"

"Apparently he was creepin' about in the ladies."

"…"

* * *

Tifa _(Saw/heard everything since she is a stalker)_:

Wow. So love letter doesn't work. Ok, plan B then. I'll tell him straight to the face. Wait… if I do it so soon, wouldn't he know I'm his stalker?

AHHH! I'm such an idiot, why did I write that letter!

Anyways, I gotta seek help from Aerith.

"Hey, Rith."

"Hey Tiffy."

"Yazoo read my love letter and freaked out."

"Wow, what did you write in there?"

"Well, mostly about how much I love him and how much I've been watching him."

"Yeah, of course he'd creep out then."

"What should I do now?"

"Easy. Seduce him and make him fall for you instead."

"Wow, how?"

"With your E cups?"

Of course, as usual she gotta give them a little squeeze.

"That wouldn't work."

"It will, we just need the atmosphere."

"Atmosphere… like a party?"

"Yep, you got it! Yuffie's birthday's next week right?"

"Yeah… But how do we get Yazoo?"

"You're the council prez, you just gotta make it compulsory for all club chairpersons. Yazoo's archery club's chairperson right?"

"You genius!"

"I know."

Alright, so it's time for the second battle.

* * *

Cloud:

"As I told you, counselor, I'm not a pervert! I was just watching someone!"

"Watching someone while squatting in the female dressing room isn't very normal, my child."

"No, I was watching someone at the lockers!"

"While squatting down?"

"Well, yeah… I mean I had a leg cramp so I squatted down."

"In the female dressing room?"

"As I said, I didn't know it was the female dressing room! I was too engrossed watching her!"

"Who, sir?"

"Well, Tifa Lo-"

"Ahh, the prez. Well, she does have the materials for others to look at."

"NO, I WASN'T STARING AT HER IN THAT MANNER! NO WAY!"

"Oh… So why were you squatting?"

"Counselor, will you listen to my bitter story? It started last year…"

(After 3 hours)

"Well, Mr Strife, we will meet for another session to follow up with your… therapy. If possible, I would like to set a weekly slot with you."

Great, now this old hag thinks I'm mentally deranged.

* * *

Yazoo:

"Hey, Mr Strife, aren't you awfully early for class? You're only 3 hours and 45 minutes late!"

"Don't even talk about it, Zoo. It was hell."

"What?"

"The Counselor thinks I'm a psycho. I could even see that she's picturing me as a pervert that flashes his naked body at elementary students."

"Whoa, chill out, what happened?"

"I was just, you know, watching Tifa Lockheart. But I didn't know, well I wasn't in a good location and some girls mistook me for a pervert."

"HAHAHAHAHA! You dumbass, really?"

"Whoa, I swear I'm gonna kill you, you gonna hear me out or what?"

"Yeah, of course."

"So I resulted to telling the counselor about my unrequited love for Tifa, you know how I love the way she walk, and talk… I got a little carried away and freaked the counselor out."

Ouch… What's this throbbing pain in my chest…

"Of course, that's a normal reaction."

"Yeah well, I'm so screwed. I gotta meet the old hag every Tuesday now."

"Serves you right."

I really gotta get laid.

_(Hohohoho, looks like our dear Yazoo is blaming everything on sexual frustration!)_

* * *

**A/N:**

**Any recommendations?**

**And my heartfelt thanks to my two reviewers!**

**preettygabbysz 6/22/12 . chapter 3**

i love it :) xxx update soon clotifa forever lol

**Thanks! Yeah, I'm also a CloTi fan!**

Sephirotha 6/22/12 . chapter 3

My extremely personal opinion: Tone down on the swearing, dude!

My thoughts: This looks like it has potential and I hope you can continue this to keep me entertained for the summer.

I'm supporting Cloud's point of view!

Catch ya later,

Sephirotha

**Alright, I shall tone down on the swearing! :)**


	5. Chapter 2 Wednesday

**Chapter 2: Wednesday**

* * *

**Wednesday (Cloudy)**

Tifa:

Preparations for the party is almost done. Since Yuffie is the vice president, it's good enough an excuse for all club chairpersons to attend. Of course… Halfway through I'll sneak away with Yazoo…

"Tiffy, Tiffy!"

"Ahem, yes?"

"Have you heard?"

"Of what?"

"Scarlet.."

"Oh, you mean public-toilet scarlet. Who's she screwing now?"

"Oh, It's no big surprise… Just Yazoo."

"?"

And Rith broke out laughing.

* * *

Cloud:

"All club chairpersons are to attend the birthday party of our 27th Student Council vice president's birthday party on XX-XX-XXXX next Friday.

Venue: 7th Heaven

Time: 7:00pm"

"Are we really having a birthday party at a bar? We're kinda underaged…"

"It's also a restaurant, idiot."

"Anyway, I heard you're getting it on with Scarlet?"

" Yeah. I'm fallen, unlike you, Mr Virgin."

"WHOA Shhhhh! don't say that in public, asshole! I've got an image to keep up in school you know!"

"Yeah, what image does an impotent man like you have?"

"Don't you seem extra friendly today? Chill your head; I'm heading off to class first."

No! You, stop thinking in that direction! It's not as Yazoo said! I swear I'm potent. It just happened! In the middle of the action with my ex last year, I just thought of Tifa. And when I saw her face, I couldn't… You know, get the tiger to roar.

What's with Yazoo? Had a tiff with Scarlet? Whatever, but he sure seems irritable.

* * *

Yazoo:

Ugh, what's with me? I didn't have to say those things to Cloud. But that idiot, asking me about Scarlet early in the morning… Whose fault is it that I had to resort to that whore?

Wow. I sound more homo with each passing day.

Gotta get help. Getting laid doesn't solve this.

"Hey baby."

"Hi, Scarlet."

"So, are we gonna go somewhere tonight?" Wow, don't whisper by my ear, bitch. It's disgusting.

(Pushes her away.)

"It depends."

(Slightly irritated) "Hmmm, alright. Call me."

"Yeah…"

"You were amazing last night. See ya soon."

(And she lightly squeezes Yazoo's bottom cheeks)

WHOA

WHOA

WHOA.

Ewww.

I can't believe I fucked that bitch. And what's with that lip licking? I'm getting nauseous.

I might as well consult a full-fledged homo for advice. It'll at least work better than getting in Scarlet's pants.

…

Tifa (Heard everything):

"Wow, rumours were true. Look at them getting all lovey dovey."

"…"

"Ohmygod, you ok?"

"…"

"Wipe those tears away, girl, you're gonna flood the hallway."

"It's over. It's over, Rith. My unrequited love. NOOOOOOOOOOO! It's over before it started!"

And so, my unrequited love for Yazoo, the big player seems to face a rocky end.

"Can we at least stop squatting in the dressing room? It's a little awkward…"

(And so, that day, Tifa submitted a proposal to the school principal on the issue of having the dressing rooms beside the lockers.)

* * *

Cloud:

She seems rather depressed today.

She's alone for lunch.

Doesn't reply to Friend A (Seems rather familiar…).

Doesn't look towards the direction of Yazoo

Did she… Perhaps, GIVE UP ON HIM?

Ahhh! It must be the rumours of Scarlet and Yazoo!

(Somehow feels sorry for Yazoo, but mostly happiness.)

Yes, my queen. Give up on him. There are other good guys around. Like me, look at me, look at me!

(Flips hair.)

"AHHHHHH! Cloud!"

Ah, The juniors.

"Charming day, ain't it? My ladies?" (Clears throat.) "Charming day, charming me." How about this? Tifa Lockheart? Surely you notice my shining existence now? Girls are swarming under my feet, ahhh them lil' bunnies.

Ahh ahhh AHHHH She's walking past.

"Hi there, you are… Tifa… Hmmmmn, what was it again? Tifa Lockheart?"

…

…

…

(silence)

…I WAS TOTALLY IGNORED, WAS I NOT?

Ahhh… Even her oblivious face was perfectly gorgeous. She ignored me! That means somehow she realized how embarrassing it was for her to reply to me at that moment right? Perhaps she would recognize my face from now! I'm sure I left a deep impression!

My Goddess, I'm your slave for life!

(That day, Cloud completely came to terms with his masochistic side.)

* * *

Yazoo (On the phone):

"Hey Seph."

"Yo, sup, zoo. It's not like you to call me at this time."

"Yeah, I wanna treat you to a drink, you fine with that, bro?"

"If it's on you, of course."

"Right, How about tonight? 7th Heaven, at let's see… 8 pm?"

"Yeah, sounds good. See ya"

"See ya."

I gotta somehow figure out my irregular heartbeats… Maybe it's high blood pressure.

Hmmmm… What's this? 12 text messages from… Scarlet.

God.

"Hey sexy, you were awesome last night."

"I'm free tonight."

"You there?"

"On for a little ride?"

"Hey~ baby?"

…

…

Okay. She is fucking creepin' me out.

"No. I might have turned homo after fucking your lose hole. Ciao."

That should do it.

* * *

Tifa:

Hi. I know I've yet to give you a glimpse to the normal side of me, but I'm actually a lovable girl when I'm not on my part time job as a stalker.

I live with my father Zangan Lockheart, Mother Elmyra Valentine and my older half-brother Vincent Valentine. We're quite a happy family, and in Midgar, we're quite well-off.

My father is a Taekwondo Master, and owns a Dojo on top of running a bank. He gets lotsa shit from President Shinra's strict regulations. He's actually a whiny brat at heart.

My half-brother Vincent is almost as psychotic as I am. He has a sister complex, and that is the biggest reason behind my 16 years of being single. Nevertheless, he is adorable.

Mother's is a supermom. Dad's scared of her, while Vincent and I love her. She makes most of the decision at home, such as dinner, picnic venue, or where to go for holidays. She makes dad's life so easy, lucky him.

Why am I saying this? 'Coz I miss them. They're off for a one-month holiday without me.

What a wonderful family! This loneliness reminds me of Yazoo…

Guess I'll head over to 7th Heaven for a bit.

* * *

Yazoo:

"So, what's the rush?"

"I've got a huge problem here, and I need help from a full-fledge homo."

"Wow, I'm not proud to be of help at all."

"Haha."

"Alright, so are you falling for a guy?"

"Yeah. Tell me, how does it feel?"

"Hahaha, YOU tell me. How do you feel for that guy?"

"I don't know… My body kinda heats up when he's around… He appears in my dreams, and he fucking pisses me off when he talks about that girl he likes."

"Ahhh. Quite deep then. You're in trouble."

"Yeah…"

"Getting jealous means you're in it deep enough now. So, you gonna plunge in further or get back up?"

"I'm thinking up."

"Right, you didn't like anal play anyways, it'll be hard for you. You're too used to being straight."

"Nah, not that. I'm just sure he's not into me, or males for a fact."

"Ahhhh… Sad boy."

(Meanwhile, a suspicious figure lurks nearby.)

* * *

Tifa (crying):

YAZOO IS GAY! WHY DIDN'T I KNOW? BUT HE FUCKED SO MANY GIRLS!

MY FIRST LOVE IS GIVEN TO A RAINBOW FLAG WAVING FAG!

WTF?

"…o is he?"

What the older guy's asking who Yazoo loves?

"Why do you wanna know?"

"Just say it, wimp."

"Cloud."

"Ahhhh… I should've known. That's hard. Isn't he your childhood friend?"

"Yeah…"

My entire world just collapsed.

Whoever this Cloud is, he will get it from me.

(Meanwhile, Cloud sneezes in the corner of his room while surfing X-rated sites.)

Naughty Cloud.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Sephirotha 6/22/12 . chapter 4**

Thank you

And you've updated already, huh? You seem eager in writing this.

Sephirotha

**It's fun to write this story. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing it.**


	6. Chapter 3 Thursday

**Thanks for the reviews as usual! Now let's get on to the next chapter!**

* * *

**Thursday (Raining):**

Tifa:

Even the sky is crying for me. My dearest love… My first love…

Gone like the motherfucking wind.

Can you believe it? He's fucking gay.

There's not even a slight chance for me. It's fundamentally impossible for him to fall for me. FUNDAMENTALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

"Yuffie."

"Yes, Prez?"

"I'm looking for a certain Cloud."

"Um… I'm not sure, but only rain clouds today, Prez."

"Yeah… Wait, no. No. I mean I'm looking for a certain asshole named 'Cloud' in this school."

"Hmmmmn. Leave it to me, I'll find all the sunny and rainy Clouds from the database. Get back to you after classes today?"

"Good, good. Thanks."

* * *

Cloud:

Well, well. Don't I seem extra popular today? Kids are staring at me all day.

"Apparently you're being sought after."

"I always am. But by who this time?"

"The student council."

Wow, you must be kidding right?

"Student council?"

"Hey Reno, hey Cloud."

"Hey Zoo."

"Hey pretty."

"Reno, stop that."

"Okay."

"So, Reno you were sayin?"

"I don't know man. Why'd the student council be lookin' for ya?"

"Hmmmn. Isn't it because of Aerith?"

"Aerith?" Reno and Cloud choired.

"Yeah, the girl you used to date? Don't you remember, Cloud? The impote-"

"OH OHH OHHH AERITH OF COURSE I KNOW HAHAHAHA!" _–you trying to tell everyone I WAS impotent that one time?-_

_-Sorry-_

"I've only dated her for what… 3 months? And that was June last year. If there's anything she wants with me, she'd look for me. Plus, she's not in the council."

"Well, Tifa is."

"T-T- M-Ms Lockheart? Why? Why would she look for me?"

"Isn't she Aerith's best friend?"

"Yeh man, the two stick like glue."

"… WHAT?"

Great. So my lady protagonist from the horror series 'Cloud's impotent night' is best friends with my angel.

Life just took my virginity in the rawest and roughest way ever.

That little fucker…

* * *

Yazoo:

"Hey there, baby."

Oh god. Public toilet's here, stinking of weed at 9 am, with… let's see… one…two… alright seven guys.

"Hey, had a gangbang last night?"

"Wasn't fun without you."

"Awww, 7 cocks aren't enough to fill your pussy?"

Heh, love how that face turn scornful.

"Yo boy, what's that attitude, huh?"

Hmmmm, let's see. What do we have here? Looks like they're gonna fight me. Location… Old east wing corridor during lesson time, no security cameras nearby… no suitable items as weapons… Fine, I'll take them on.

"Seriously? In school at 9 am?"

"Baby, you scared?"

"Not really, well, I guess you picked a good time for yourselves, since medical consultation during the day is much cheaper."

* * *

Tifa:

"C- *cough* Cloud? As in which Cloud?"

"They're more than one person in this school with such a weird name? Wow, Midgar sure is fucked up. Parents shouldn't get stoned when naming their children…"

"No, I mean, yeah… well, there's only one Cloud in this school..."

"Huh, you know him, Rith?"

"Yeah… We used to date… kinda."

"Who is he?"

"Cloud Strife. School basketball team captain. Kinda like the coolest kid around, juniors are crazy over him."

"Oh… Our school has a basketball club?"

"_EVERY_ school has a basketball club."

* * *

Yazoo:

"Well that didn't take long at all?"

Looking at all these unconscious bastards… Weaklings. All bark but hardly bite. I've got some wounds here and there, but at least I'm fine against a dozen more of these guys.

"Not bad… hah… hah…"

"What the fuck, Scarlet, why are you panting? You weren't even fighting."

"Fuck, Yazoo… You're so manly. Got me so hot and bothered… MmmmmMmmmm… why don't we…"

"Seriously? 10 am, school corridor, heaps of unconscious bodies and you're horny?"

"I think I might actually be a masochist… Looking at the way you looked down on me, and on them while fighting… Ahhh, turns me on."

The fuck?

* * *

Cloud and Tifa:

Yuffie: "Our prez is here to meet your club captain. Bring him over at once!"

Cloud (In his jersey): "N-Nice to meet you, Prez!"

Tifa (seated on a chair while Yuffie fans her): "I've wanted to meet you, Cloud Hive.

Cloud: "It's Strife, ma'am! But I will change it to Hive if it pleases you, ma'am!"

Tifa: "Anyway, I've heard about you." _Being loved by Yazoo, lucky fag!_

Cloud: _Oh no. She thinks I'm fucking impotent!_

Tifa: "Are you gay?"

Cloud: "H-huh? I beg your pardon?"

Tifa: "Are you perhaps a h-o-m-o-s-e-x-u-a-l?"

Cloud: _Oh my god. Now she thinks I can't get hard with Aerith because I'm gay!_ "No, no way. I was just not caught in the moment."

Tifa:_ Oh. So if he was in the moment, he'd be getting it on with my Yazoo. This guy…_ "In the moment… Nevertheless I sincerely hope it never comes."

Cloud: _Never comes? As in never getting it on with another girl? Or never cums, as in… ejaculate?_ "The cap will still pop with the right person, mi'lady."

Tifa: _OHMYGOD. So he is indeed interested in Yazoo! NO NO NO I gotta think of something._ "Give up on him right this instant!"

Cloud: _WHAT? NO! Giving up on my little member won't solve the problem! It'll only deepen the problem!_ "No. That will never do. I can never! For my future, and for myself!"

Tifa:_ HE'S THINKING OF GOING LONG TERM WITH YAZOO! OMG THIS FAG! I GOTTA DO SOMETHING!_ "Seek for an alternative!"

Cloud: _Alternative? Alternative? As in another way to get it up?_ "I- I do have an alternative solution."

Tifa: _Good, good._ "What is it?"

Cloud: "It's you." _Only thinking of you can cure my impotency, my goddess._

Tifa:_ If sacrificing a little can get him away from Yazoo, ending Yazoo's love… I guess a step back is for future good._ "Fine."

Cloud: _WOW SERIOUSLY WTF! TIFA FUCKING LOCKHEART IS GONNA HELP ME WITH MY IMPOTENCY!_

(Tifa pulls Cloud in for a soft kiss on his lips, after which she punches him hard in his stomach.)

Tifa: "Now we're dating. Remember your promise!"_ I guess that punch wasn't enough to satisfy my throbbing anger about settling with someone else other than Yazoo._

Cloud: *Cough cough* "O-Of course! It'll be gone in no time!"

* * *

Tifa:

"What was that?"

"It's a secret."_ I can't possibly tell her I've been crushing on a homo!_ "And oh, Yuffie. Don't bother keeping the fact that we're dating a secret."

I gotta let Yazoo know. And make him give up on that Hive boy.

* * *

Cloud:

"WOW! You're dating Tifa Lockheart! The most beautiful girl in the school, seriously? Wow, lucky guy! You even stole a kiss!"

"I know right. Man, her lips were tender."

"But what was that? It was so sudden. What were you guys talking about?"

"It's a secret." Can't possibly tell them I was impotent in bed with that A-a-ae something girl.

* * *

**A/N:**

Sephirotha 6/23/12 . chapter 5

Brackets unnecessary

But the way you're writing is unique...

**I'll compromise, so I'll put it in italics instead if it is suitable. Thanks! :)**

******Juleezy 6/23/12 . chapter 5**

Oh my gosh, that was friggin hilarious. At first I was a bit iffy from the homo love from the summary, but what the heck! I hope this will continue to entertain me. The cursing was fine to me though.

**Hahaha, Thank you! I'm glad it made you laugh! Stay tuned! 8D**


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